Alright babies, listen up! We’ve got you surrounded! We have several doctors, nurses and other medical personnel out here with their appropriate utensils and tools, built for cutting, pulling and yanking. This is your final warning. You have exactly 24 hours to come out with your hands up or we will come in to get you. I cannot sugar coat this anymore. GET OUT. GET OUT. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME ANY LONGER. Like a bad friend or rude family member, you have overstayed your welcome. Now, please allow us to state that we are seriously impressed with your commitment to the uterus but it’s time to move on and go our separate ways.
Earlier this week we took you in for your final ultrasound with both Grandma-mas in tow. They’re both from “Back When” so neither of them have ever seen an ultrasound performed before…I know it’s hard to believe, but when your grandparents were children, there was no such thing as electricity or cars and fire had just been invented so stoves weren’t even in the question. Regardless, all four of us were, as always, exceptionally excited to see your contorted, fuzzy, black and white bodies twitching and punching in there like tiny little boxers having isolated seizures.
Guesstimated weight for you two chunky fatsos are now as follows; Baby A, hailing from the left side of the womb is weighing in at a hefty 6lbs 14 oz while Baby B, visiting us from the right side of the womb, stands in at a beefy 6 lbs 6 oz. Both excellent! Both solid little cinder blocks. Sturdy individuals.
I can’t help but wonder if either of you will tip the scales towards the 7 pound mark by Thursday. Probably. When I asked John what he thought he reached out and shook my belly, speaking softly into it, asking, “Oh, Magic 8 Ball, will the babies bypass the 7 pound mark?” He then stared at my belly button and simply said, “Ask again later”.
Actually, on Thursday (the day you will be unceremoniously ripped from my womb) we will be 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Now, you’re probably not a science buff (yet) but that’s just over FULL TERM for a SINGLE BABY! Never in a million years would I have dreamt that we’d make it this far. There is no doubt in my mind that you two should be totally cooked and ready to hit the ground running (almost literally). If you were noodles you’d be extremely soggy right about now. Your dad likes to joke that you’ll probably be born with driver’s licenses and mustaches. -) (cyclops winky emoticon)
The dreaded PUPPPS has come back with a horrible vengeance in the last couple of days and I have been itching like nobody’s business. It’s awful. Seriously, I look like I went rolling nude through a patch of poison oak. Thankfully, other than that little treat and my swollen hands and feet that look like stuffed party weiners, we’re actually doing pretty well. You’re both moving like crazy and seem to like it when we “pet” you through the belly. Mee-YOW.
Your dad and I were lying in bed last night talking about how crazy it is that you are FINALLY going to be here in just two more days! That’s nuts! We’re going to be parents of TWO children in just two days. This completely blows my mind and I am honestly having a hard time trying to really soak in what that means. I think it must be something that you can’t fully understand until you’re already knee deep in it. The main thought that keeps rolling through my mind on constant loop is, “This time next week…..this time next week…..”
The entire pregnancy has been an incredible experience every step of the way (albeit, not always an exactly easy/pleasant one) and we both feel so blessed to be starting this new journey with you two. I can’t wait to show you how incredible this place can be. I promise that we will try our hardest to not screw you up beyond repair but I cannot make any guarantees. Just brace yourself for good cooking (me) and bad jokes (dad) and you’ll be ready for just about anything!
See you in two days! We’ll be the ones smiling stupidly and saying, “Whoa” on repeat.