Monthly Archives: February 2010

The In Between

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Today we woke up to a very lazy Saturday morning. It was the type of day where time has escaped your frame of reference and any thoughts of responsibility have yet to fall upon you. The sun rolling in through the window, it was just the two of us, spending time under the covers, reading, talking and playing with the dogs in bed. We don’t get a chance to start many days this way so it was a nice chance to shut off all the “Noise of Life” and just breathe. I love being able to steal these moments away with John; both of our lives have gotten so busy lately I feel like every time I blink another year has passed.

Later on, as I started to slowly transition through the house and get going with the day I walked by our bedroom door and noticed how empty and disheveled our bed looked – the leftover evidence of our quiet morning; the beautiful soft light trickling in through the window highlighting the rumpled sheets and it was then that I knew I wanted to capture this memory of our lives and somehow hold on to it forever. I started to think about all the amazing moments that are stretching out in front of us and all the memories still to be made: opportunities that will come and go, friends we will make and experiences we will have; and I realized that THIS moment in our lives too, is very fleeting. And before we even know it’s leaving, it’ll be gone. Sometimes very frustrating and trying – we are in the beautiful “in between”. The amazing space that exists while dreaming of our children and making our own family a reality.

Finally, as I stood with my camera in hand staring at our room, my thoughts turned to hope. I began to let myself imagine that someday soon we would be having another beautiful Saturday morning under the covers but this time it would be with our baby (and dogs) lying between us.

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What’s Behind Door #2

I love insurance companies. They give me something to focus all of my hatred and animosity on. Sometimes I sit in my living room, surrounded by candles, listening to whale music and I concentrate all of my anger into a little ball and I imagine that little ball floating down the street and silently bobbing into the lobby of Insurance Company X and then…….release. The windows explode and the doors blow off the hinges and the roof collapses in on itself and anyone who has ever made a decision based on money and never considered the human factor is killed (not immediately) in the disaster. The people that are employed there only to feed their families but hate their jobs and cry themselves to sleep everynight for the monstrous things they are asked to do don’t get killed…….but they do get maimed; broken legs and arms and things and you know what? Their insurance doesn’t cover disastrous acts. Afterward I laugh maniacally all by myself. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! And then I make a hot cocoa and watch reruns of Boy Meets World.

Right now you’re saying to yourself, “OMG, that was exceptionally violent and more than a touch disturbing.” To this I say, “Absolutely true. It has a name and it’s called Just Desserts.”

Insurance companies and their affiliates are soulless, money gobbling, fat-cat, self involved, gloat-gloating bastards; the enemies of the world.

Our insurance doesn’t cover children (IVF). Children, they say, are elective, like having the fat sucked from your ass and injected into your lips. They are a choice (and to this all the abortion doctors say ho-ho-ho!). After paying thousands and thousands of dollars into these companies we say, “We need money for this,” and we point to stomach and insurance company says, “We hold onto money. We say big no. We keep it for later”.

To these people, having children is something you could live without. The difference between a need and a want. All I can think is that the person who okay’d that clause already has a house full of children they get to go home to every night after telling people like us that our money is no good for that.

The violence is buzzing in my brain again and the bile is rising in my throat and I am pushing it back, trying to get to the funny parts of this…..oh, HERE IT IS!

Okay, so, the cost of one broken condom: .75
The cost of one baby attempt via IVF: $16,000.00 (or the biggest condom you’ve ever seen).

A hefty chunk of change no matter which way you split it, this much is true. That said, we’ve taken the opportunity to put things into some perspective. Let us present to you:

THINGS YOU COULD BUY IF YOU DIDN’T TRY TO FRANKENSTEIN YOUR OWN BABY!!!!

$16,000.00 will buy you…..

1 round of IVF (in vitro fertilization) with ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection) OR………..

1 2009 Pontiac Vibe

64 Nintendo Wii systems

78.4 years of a 3 DVD Netflix subscription.

80 Apple iPhones

1,390 movie tickets. This means we could BOTH see a movie EVERY DAY for 1.9 years

2,000 Starbucks visits

4,819 gallons of gas. Geographically we could drive around the WORLD (including oceans) just over 5 times

16,000 Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburgers. Enough to eat 1 cheeseburger a day for 44 years

32,000 games of Miss Pac-man. I could play one game a day for 87.6 years (or until I die)

42,666 cans of delicious Diet Coke. That means Jade could quench her thirst 3 times a day for the next 38.9 years (and she probably will regardless)

Are you as nauseous as we want to be?

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What the IVF?!

So it’s no secret that John had cancer(if you’re currently whispering to yourself, “John had cancer?” you are either a.) new to this blog, b.) a total stranger to us or c.) so consumed in your own narcissism that you haven’t bothered to look around at your hurting and suffering kinsfolk in years. Now please permit me to recommend that you visit here.) where you will find information, stories and pictures on all things cancerous. We reported the daily grind of that particular uphill battle in all it’s gory detail and found that it helped to laugh at our problems. There is something theraputic about putting your greatest life hurdle in the spotlight, pointing at it and laughing. It shrinks it and takes away some of it’s weapons.

And now we’re going to do it again.

This time, however, the secret is not cancer but a little something, something called IVF (Invitro Fertilization….it basically means we get to create a Frankenstein baby in a petri dish, which, actually, is pretty frigging sweet). So, say it with us now…in-fer-TIL-lity. Yes, we said it, the I word. John is as sterile as a crayon and we are going to attempt (at the chagrin of most of our friends) to bring another Brookbank into this world. I don’t know why but this “condition” seems to have a horrible stigma surrounding it – and I refuse to fall into that. What can I say, I’m stubborn that way.

That said, out of respect and compassion for our male minded (and squeamish female) readers who REALLY don’t want to hear about this sort of business, we’ve decided to write about the whole debacle on a separate blog.

Introducing for the first time in glorious TechnoColo!

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For those of you interested in the scoop on all things IVF you’ll have to jump over to the not so secret, secret blog hideout. Just think of it like being in some sort of classified sorority (boys welcome) only instead of painting nails, having pillow fights and roasting smores, we’ll be talking about speculums, egg retrieval and sperm count. YES!

But don’t worry my little Letter B Blog reader’s – your regularly scheduled programming will continue BUT, so you don’t miss out on any of the scary and sometimes hairy details of IVF, I’ll be posting the above header to let you know it’s time to jump over to the other band wagon for a bit of light reading if you so choose.

Here’s to more fun ahead! Better buckle up.

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