Custer’s Last Stand

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Some of you may have already caught whiff of this good luck fart, but my cancer is gone. It’s been official for a while but now the chemo is DONE!!! Somehow for me that means more – this process winding down to an end. Even when they tell you that you’re cancer free, the whole process stays the same and you’re still sick.

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So, treatment is done!!!

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Right now I’m just chillin’ at the hospital getting my final blood transfusion. I should be at home tonight and……….what else do you say to that? By 10pm I should be smoking cigarettes and eating butter sticks just to show my body that I AM still in charge and not to get any wise ideas.

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For my final round all my nurses brought me in a celebratory cake…..which my dog ended up ripping off the counter and eating alone – stupid, fat, hungry, selfish dog. She had delicious white frosting and chocolate crumbs all over her dog bed and when we came in the house she did that thing where she puts her tail between her legs and puts her head down but makes this scary smiling face at you while eyeballing you out of the corner of her eye and still desires your attention and positive affection.

My mom and I went to Subway the other day and there’s this homeless lady sitting out front. She blocks both the entrance to the Subway as WELL as the little Chinese take-out place so she’s really cornered the market. We get up there and she goes to this lady, “Spare some change?” I hate homeless people begging for change. It’s uncomfortable, awkward and most of all, no. I DON’T want to just GIVE YOU my money because you asked. “Hey, homeless guy, can I have your jacket? Oh – you’ve got some extra cans there – do you mind if I just take them from you?”

Anyway, she’s sitting out in the drizzling rain and she goes to me and mom, “You spare some change?”

And I say, “No, sorry. I don’t carry cash.” This is my preferred answer. It’s not only true but a useful deterrent.

But I’m not a complete monster. I don’t just ride the horse around the ranch whipping black people all day. I have a heart. I ask if she wants a sandwich and bring her into Subway with us. She gets up to the front and goes, “Tuna, white – can I have a footlong?” And I say sure.

What I hated most about it was that at the end of the line, they stuck hers in a plastic bag even though I said we were staying and they stuck my mom’s and mine on a separate tray.

She started to walk off with her sandwich and I go, “Hey – you get a drink and either chips or cookies”. She comes back and says, “Oh, I love the macadamia ones – thank you so much for letting me pick what goes on my sandwich. People buy me sandwiches sometimes but they’re loaded in jalapeños and I can’t eat that.”

I laughed and said she was welcome. Then I stuck out my hand and said, “I’m John”. She shakes it and says, “Nancy” I asked Nancy if she wanted to sit and eat with us but she says, “Oh, I’d love to but I’ve gotta make SOME money today.


Next thing, after lunch (still raining), mom and I are at Rite-Aid picking up a bunch of my medicine. We’re sitting in the parking lot watching the old man in the car next to us. He’s touching his steering wheel and moving levers and looking around and my mom and I are laughing, talking about how he’s forgotten how to drive but he’s pretty sure it has SOMETHING to do with this wheel here. So we’re laughing and having a jolly time at this old fool’s expense and HE LOOKS OVER AT US AND SEES US LAUGHING! I quickly turn away but not before seeing him shrug at us like HE AGREES. He doesn’t know what’s happening!

Next thing, this old man steps out of his car and stares into mine – my mom is driving and he’s on my side so he’s staring directly at me and he just keeps shrugging. The kind of shrug that says, “I don’t know”. So mom and I step out of the car and the old man says to me, “I forgot how to turn my windshield wipers on”.

He opens his door for me and signals for me to get inside – to fiddle around. I comply, but the full time I’m keeping my eyes peeled, thinking he’s going to try and kick me into the passenger seat with one geriatric leg and then sell me into the sex trade what with human trafficking being on the rise and whatnot.

It all turned out okay, though, thank God.

On a lighter note, hopefully the next blog will have NOTHING to do with cancer (unless it’s about one of the support groups I’m thinking about joining!) and will be more focused on movie and photography related topics.

So check this out:
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This is Jade’s and my photo website and it JUST WENT UP!!! IT’S BRAND SPANKIN’ NEW – I GUARANTEE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT!

We’re building our portfolio right now so we’re just trying to line up shoots. If you or your loved ones want to help us we would be GREATFUL!

Without further ado, that’s that.

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